The Ballad of Harvey Updyke

When we last left Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr. he had just been arrested in connection with the poisoning of the two live oak trees at Toomer’s Corner at Auburn University.  This has been a huge story that has gone beyond the sports pages to the national news.  So what has happened in this saga in the last week?

Despite Harvey Updyke taking the Auburn/Bama rivalry to a new level, members of the Crimson Tide community have shown solidarity with Tiger fans.  The group Tide for Toomer’s was started by a group of Alabama alumni to raise money to help “rehabilitate or replace the poisoned trees.”  So far the group has raised $45,000.  This effort exemplifies the spirit of the SEC, instead of that portrayed by Updyke

Harvey Updyke was released from jail on $50,000 bond.  Ever the classy gentleman, Mr. Updyke flipped off reporters as he left jail.  In a move out of concern for his safety, Updyke has left his house and is reportedly living in his car near a creek.  No, Chris Farley, I am not making this up.

We have learned more about the extent of Harvey Updyke’s Crimson Tide fanaticism.  We already knew that his children’s names are Crimson and Bear, but now we know their full names are Crimson Tyde Updyke and Bear Bryant Updyke.  His dogs are named Crimson and Nicky (after Nick Saban).  Harvey reportedly wanted to name a third child Ally Bama, to which his wife replied, “Hell no.”  Well, it’s nice to see she put her foot down before he named their kids something crazy, right?!  I know I’m a huge Gator fan, but someone PLEASE stop me if I EVER want to name my child Flo Rida.  Wait a sec, someone already beat me to that.

Harvey Updyke has learned that good help is just so hard to find these days.  The esteemed Mr. Updyke is now on his fourth court-appointed lawyer in eight days.  The first lawyer asked to be removed from the case, citing a conflict of interest.  He is a resident of Auburn, a part-time professor at Auburn, and his law firm represents the university.  The second lawyer made the same conflict of interest argument, as his wife heads the Department of Communication and Journalism at Auburn.  The third lawyer asked to be removed because of an irreconcilable conflict between him and Updyke.  His request was granted, and attorney number four has stepped in.  He certainly has his work cut out for him.  Making an appearance on Outside the Lines, Glennon Threatt Jr. stated that Harvey Updyke’s infamous call to the Paul Finebaum Radio Network is a defense attorney’s nightmare.

This whole story is absurd and becomes more bizarre everyday.  I’m sure we’ll shake our heads even more as the layers continue to unfold.

Photos: 1. WKRG, 2. Tide for Toomer’s